Longing for the Sense of being Alive
by Rizzles-MerDer-Jaddison
Summary: Addison goes through a rough patch, (trigger warning on this story) Will Sam, Charlotte, Violet and Naomi be able to save her or will it be too late?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapters are rather short, think of it as kind of a script for an episode, short scenes x Enjoy x**

Addison had a secret. A big secret. One that no one knew, not even Sam or Naomi. There was a reason she no-longer wore short-sleeved blouses. Always jackets and longsleeved tops became her life, as well as her trusty razor blades she kept in a small, blue, beach-themed wooden box on a shelf in her bedroom. _She started one day, because she felt down, after losing a patient. Sam was out and she couldn't get hold of Naomi... She'd seen some of Violets and Sheldon's patients had done it to cope with their inner, emotional pain. And she thought, why not? She'd slowly dragged the razor along her wrist, lightly at first, and then pressed harder to draw blood. Gosh, it hurt, then anyway, but it helped her so much, she immediately felt the emotional pain subside. When she suddenly heard her front door open._

_"Hey Addie, I'm back." Sam called from downstairs. Upon hearing no answer, he shouted, "Addison, where are you?" She began clearing her stuff up from the bathroom floor, and called out,_

_"Up here, down in a second." Sam realised that she was just in the bathroom and thought nothing of it. After that, she had to come up with excuses for no sex, or sex that allowed her to keep her -long sleeved- top on. Which Sam wasn't too much of a fan of, but never questioned it._


	2. Chapter 2

Addison walked into Oceanside Wellness with a coffee in hand, and got on the elevator. Her eyes were red from crying the night before when her mood took a turn for the worst. The door was just about closed when an arm appeared between the very small gap and the doors re-opened. Amelia came in, all happy. How Addison longed to be that happy again.

"Hey Addie." Amelia said, cheerfully.

"Hi, Amelia." Addie replied, duller than she meant to.

"Addison... Are you alright?" Amelia asked. Addison was lost in thought and it took her a second to realise that she was being spoken to.

"Huh, what? Uh, yeah I'm fine, how are you?" Addison replied. That was her trick, say you're fine, and then ask how they're doing, they'll either leave or dive into some of their own inner thoughts that she really couldn't be bothered to listen to but was better than talking about her own feelings.

"I'm good... Thanks..." Amelia replied, not convinced with the answer she had been given. They elevator doors opened and they both stepped out, Addison went straight to her office, not noticing that everyone else was gathering in the kitchen. Amelia went to grab Addison but Pete appeared at the door of the kitchen waving wildly at her, and looking towards Addison, and then shaking his head, and waving for her to join them. Amelia glanced behind her, she had no view of Addison and went to join the others in the kitchen. Pete, Naomi, Violet, Cooper, Charlotte, Sheldon and Sam were sat at a table. Sam motioned for Amelia to sit down.

"What are we doing here?" Amelia asked.

"Addison." Pete said.

"We're here to talk about Addison." Sam added.

"Everyone agrees that Addison has not been herself recently." Violet began. Charlotte, Naomi, Pete and Sheldon grunted in agreement. "It's not affecting her work, but its got us all rather worried."

"Shouldn't we be having this conversation _with_ Addison?" Amelia cut in.

"Yes and no," Violet replied, "First, we thought we should share our concerns, and then work out how to bring them up with Addison." Amelia nodded and sat back in her chair.

"Anyways, Addison ain't gonna stay in her office for long, so we better get talking." Charlotte added.

"She's more secretive." Pete said.

"More… Easily upset." Cooper added.

"I don't mean to involve my personal life here, but she's got no interest in sex, and if we do, she has to keep her top on…" Sam threw in. There was a brief moment of contemplation, everyone was silent. They didn't notice Addison walking down the lobby. She was not in the right frame of mind to go into what they were talking about, so she just walked in and started making her coffee.

"Addison!" Sheldon exclaimed. Causing for everyone to suddenly look up.

"Hey, anyone want some coffee?" Addison asked.

"I will." Charlotte said, to keep it from becoming even more awkward.

"Yeah me too, please." Cooper added. Addison began making the coffees.

"So, whatcha been talking about?" Addison asked.

"One of Violet's patients." Sam said.

"Oh, the one whose suicidal now she's lost her mother?" Addison asked.

"Yes, that one." Violet confirmed. Addison felt faint suddenly, and put both of her hands on the surface. After regaining momentum, she finished the coffees.

"Here, let me help you with that." Pete said, getting up. He accidently put his left hand on Addison's right arm. She pulled her arm away as it still hurt from the night before, Pete was shocked, but thought nothing of it. He gave Charlotte and Cooper their coffees. Violet, Pete, Sheldon and Sam were all looking at Addison.

"I'm fine, okay?" Addison said, sensing that they were staring. "Just didn't get much sleep okay?"

"You still look beautiful." Sam said, causing both Amelia and Sheldon to laugh. Addison walked out and back to her office.

"Something's up…" Pete said. They all nodded in agreement. Violet noticed that Naomi was just sitting back in her chair.

"Hey, Nai? You okay? You haven't said a word all morning, and Addison is your best friend." Violet asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but like you said, she's my best friend, and I have no clue about what is happening to her.." She admitted, looking like she was going to break down into tears. Naomi got up and walked to the elevator and pressed the button.

"I'd better go too." Sheldon said, and went to join Naomi.

"Yeah me too. Cooper said, he got up, kissed Charlotte on the forehead and went to his office. One by one they all left, leaving the kitchen empty.


	3. Chapter 3

Addison realised that it was time for her to be with a patient, and walked out of the office to meet her. The patient was a 17 year old girl named Emma. Addison lead her into an examination room.

"So, Emma, what can I do for you."

"I'm 24 weeks pregnant, my regular OB is out of town, so I'm just here for a check up.

"Okay." Addison replied with a smile. "Just lay on here, take your jacket off and we're all set to go."

"Do I have to take my jacket off?" Emma asked.

"Is there a problem with that?" Addison asked, kindly.

"I've only got a short sleeved top on… And it's rather cold."

"Oh that's fine, I'll adjust the room temperature." Addison didn't realise what was going on. Emma nervously slipped off her jacket, and then Addison realised why she'd been reluctant to taking her jacket off. She felt the familiar pain in her stomach.

"Can we just get this over with?" Emma asked. Addison couldn't talk, she felt her bones go stiff, she couldn't do it. She had to get out. She ran out of the room, leaving Emma by herself.

"Pete!" Addison shouted.

"Yeah?" Pete replied.

"I need you to finish the ultra sound on the patient in 1B, I can't, okay? I don't feel too well… And I don't want to get her sick."

"Yes, of course." Pete said, and went to finish the exam. Naomi was in the kitchen, she'd watched the dialogue between Addison and Pete. She stepped out of the kitchen. Addison saw her.

"Oh, hey Nai."

"Hi. I just thought I'd heard someone." Naomi said.

"It's just me.."Addison said.

"Hey, Addie, are you alright?" Naomi asked.

"Um, yeah." Addison replied.

"No, you're not. What is going on with you?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"No, it isn't," Naomi said, crossing the gap between them. "What's going on?"

"Its nothing Nai, please." Addison said, backing up. She began panicking. She got on the elevator down. Naomi was left standing there. Wondering what is wrong.

"Bye, Emma." Pete said, waving goodbye to Addison's former patient as the exited the examination room.

"Hey, Nai?" Pete began, "What happened?"

"I tried to get her to talk.." Naomi started, "But she got all defensive, and got on the elevator and went goodness knows where. I've got a patient to see now, keep an eye on her?"

"Sure." Pete said, patting Naomi on the back.


	4. Chapter 4

Meanwhile, Addison exited the building and stood outside, gasping. She walked quickly from one side of the entrance to the other. Charlotte was inside, and noticed that Addison was in some kind of distress, and began walking out to see what was wrong. Addison felt faint and went to sit on the wall, and swung back and forth, before placing her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She was breathing shallowly, which explained to feeling of being faint. Addison was scared because she did not know what was happening, her heart rate was rapid, she was hyperventilating and felt dizzy. Charlotte had just left the building, and saw Addison on the wall and went to sit down next to her. Addison realised that someone was beside her and her panic just got worse. Charlotte knew that she was in some kind of panic attack. As much as she wanted Addison to get through it on her own, she felt her emotions get the better of her and she knelt down in front of her panicking 'friend'.

"Addison, I need you to look at me." Charlotte said. Sam walked up the pavement, the other side of the building, and noticed Charlotte kneeling in front of his girlfriend, his very _fragile _girlfriend. Charlotte noticed, and waved for him to go away, so he went inside, and up to the 4th floor. Addison was still hyperventilating.

"Addison, hunny, I need you to look up at me, please." Charlotte said, nicely. Addison looked up, her eyes were also red. "Good, well done, now, I need you to continue looking at me." Addison nodded. "Good, now, focus on my breathing, okay? Nice and slowly." After a while, she realised that this wasn't working, and took her brown paper bag, with hers and Cooper's lunch in it, and handed it to Addison. "Addison, I need you to hold this to your mouth, and breathe into it, can you do that?" Addison nodded and slowly took the bag and held it too her mouth. Charlotte held onto Addison's knees to offer support. Slowly, Addisons breathing returned to normal. Charlotte stood up, and then sat next to Addison.

"I'm sorry Charlotte, I didn't mean for that to happen." Addison apologised.

"Nah, don't worry." Charlotte reassured her.

"I-uh, I'm sorry." Addison said again standing up.

"Oh no, sit your behind back down." Charlotte said, grabbing onto Addisons wrist and forcing her back down. It hurt so much, that she had no choice but to comply with Charlottes request. Addison failed to suppress the wince that was building up. Charlotte knew now.

"Montgomery, lift up your sleeve." Charlotte said.

"What- wh-why?" Addison stuttered.

"Don't think I don't know, the way you acted when I grabbed your wrist, I'm a doctor, we're both doctors, I know, Addison, and, I think you're still bleeding, I think one might need stitches." Charlotte replied. Addison look down at her jacket, to find blood on the sleeve.

"Damn it!" Addison shouted, frustrated.

"I can stitch it up, I have a suture kit in my office." Charlotte offered. But she sensed that Addison would not want to walk up and into their offices with Charlotte with everyone staring. "Hey, you go up first, put your stuff in your office, then I'll come up, and then come find me." Charlotte suggested. Addison smiled softly.

"Thanks." Addison replied, gratefully. She got up, smiled at Charlotte, and walked back into the building and got on the lift. Charlotte was secretly pleased she'd been able to help, and a few moments later got up.


	5. Chapter 5

Up in the offices, however, Sam had got off the elevator at the fourth floor, and went to see Naomi, who luckily had no patients. He knocked on her door.

"Hey Sam, come in." Naomi said, getting up from behind her desk and sitting down on one of the couches. Sam joined her.

"Have you spoken to Addison?" Sam asked.

"Briefly, before, I was getting some coffee, when she came out into the hall, leaving her patient, and got Pete to finish her patients exam. I asked her what was wrong, but she go even more panicky and got on the elevator and left…" Naomi said, sadly. "I wish I knew how to help, you know?"

"Mmm…" Sam agreed. "I was on my way back in, and she was sitting on a wall outside, with her head on her hands, resting on her knees, and Charlotte was crouched in front of her, I heard her say something like 'look at me', but then she saw me and motioned for me to go. So I did."

"I'm really worried, Sam.."

"Yeah, me too." Sam agreed, got up, kissed Naomi on the forehead for moral support and went to wait for the elevator. When the door opened, there stood Addison, leaning against the back of the elevator. With her make-up smudged, and red eyes, and her hand over the ever growing red mark on her sleeve.

"Hey." Sam said, sweetly.

"Hi." Addison replied. In what felt like an eternity, the doors finally opened, and Addison and Sam stepped out


	6. Chapter 6

Addison went to her office to check her make-up and wait for Charlotte. After she'd re-done her make-up, she walked over to Charlottes office.

"Hey." Charlotte said, "Come on in."

"Thanks." Addison replied. She walked in, hands gripping either side of her thin brown jumper.

"Have a seat." Charlotte motioned for Addison to sit, as she found her suture kit and closed the blinds.

15 minutes later, Addison was all sutured up.

"Addison, I have to ask you this, do…" Charlotte paused. "Do you have any thoughts of… Of… Of suicide?" Charlotte got her answer when Addison wouldn't look her in the eye.

"Oh Addison."Charlotte said, sympathetically. "I'm not a trained psychiatrist, I'm more than happy to help you how I can, but you really need to talk to Sheldon or Violet."

"No! I don't want to." Addison made clear.

"If you don't let me get one of them here, I will need to report you…" Charlotte said, softly. After a few moments contemplation, Addison agreed to talking to Violet.

"I'll be back in just a minute." Charlotte said, as she closed the door. She walked across the lobby to Violets office. Violet was sitting on her couch, writing up some patient notes. Charlotte took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. Violet turned around.

"I-uh, I need you to come help me with a patient." Charlotte said.

"How can I help, I'm psychiatry, and you're sexology… What kind of problem is it?" Violet asked.

"Well, um.. They're not a sexoology patient… But someone who needs help…" Charlotte said.

"Fine, okay." Violet agreed, picking up her handbag, and following Charlotte out of the room.

"What's the history of this patient?" Violet asked.

"Well, they self-harm, I had to stitch up an open cut-wound... They've had a panic attack -today- and they're suicidal." Charlotte explained.

"How'd they end up with you then?" Violet asked, laughing. "Or is it someone you know?"

"It's someone we both know." Charlotte said, and then opened the door.

Violet realised what was going on when she saw Addison on Charlotte's couch, knees up to her chest, head on her knees. She looked up when she realised there was other people in the room. Violet was stunned, speechless. She knew something was up with Addison, but she'd have never thought that this was it.

"I'll be outside, Addison." Charlotte said.

"Okay, just, don't tell anyone, okay?" Addison asked.

"Okay." Charlotte agreed, putting a hand of Addison's shoulder. Then she left. Addison rested her head on her knees and dreaded the conversation that was to come next.

"Addison, what's happened?" Violet asked, sitting down opposite Addison. Addison stared at the floor. "Okay. When did the cutting start?"

"7, maybe 8 months ago." Addison said, quietly.

"That's good, Addison, next, what do you use?"

"Sam's old razor."

"Okay, do you know why you started?"

"I, uh… I had just lost one of my favourite patients, to placenta percreta. And I was feeling really down, I couldn't get hold of Nai and Sam was out with Cooper and Pete. And then I remembered, you'd been telling me about your patient who was self-harming, and I thought, wouldn't hurt to give it a go… So I did, it felt really good, and then, and the Sam got home, and I cleared up all of the mess and went downstairs to join him." Addison paused, "And then today, my patient had cuts all up her arm…"

"Yeah, Pete mentioned that, is that why you ran out?"

"Yeah…" Addison began to cry. Re-living the memory of when she started.

"It'll be okay, Addison." Violet reassured her.

"No it wont!" Addison shouted. She felt such a bad pain in her chest, and she began screaming into one of the pillows. Violet wondered how much pain Addison must have built up inside to cause her to scream. She got up and sat to the right of Addison, and stroked her back. Addison realised that she was beginning to hyperventilate again, like this morning and began to panic. The door suddenly opened and Naomi came in. Addison didn't notice straight away. Naomi closed the door and sat down next to her best friend, and began stroking her hair. Addison realised then that there was someone else in the room. She was shaking and hyperventilating and felt dizzy and faint. Violet hugged her tightly.

"Violet get off!" Addison shouted, and she began pushing her away, but was too shaky to do much.

"Nai?" Violet asked, and Naomi put her hands around Addison. She tried to push them both away, but had no such luck.

"Addison, we're compressing your sympathetic nervous system, you'll feel more panic at first; you'll try to resist, but then you'll slowly feel better." Violet explained.

The three of them sat for 20 minutes, and then Addison was finally breathing normally again.

"Addison, we need to continue our discussion, do you want Naomi to stay?" Violet asked. Addison nodded, and pulled her knees back up to her chest.

"Why did Charlotte have to suture up your arm?" Violet asked. Addison hid her head in-between her knees. Naomi looked at Violet, with a confused look. Violet just nodded and looked back at their friend who was slowly deteriorating in front of them.

"Had you gone to deep?" Violet questioned. Addison nodded. "Okay, thats fine, Addison, how long have you been suicidal?" Naomi was taken aback, her best friend was suicidal, she never even thought of Addison as the suicidal kind of person. She rubbed her friends back. Addison lifted her head slightly.

"Only about a month… so half a year less than I've been cutting." Naomi was yet again surprised.

"Does Sam know?" Violet asked.

"No." Addison said, still with her head between her knees.

"How? You sleep in the same bed, are you no longer… Intimate?" Violet continued.

"I always wear," Addison paused as she lifted her head up, "I always wear long sleeves around the house, and everywhere, but, If we have sex, I have to leave my top on, I got out of it for a month and a half saying I had some sort of infection… But now I think he thinks I don't want sex anymore."

"And all of this is OK, Addison. Just as long as you're willing to work with me, we can do this." Violet said, sweetly. "We're all very worried, Naomi imparticular," Violet paused, looking at Naomi. "You should have seen how… Devastated she looked this morning when she didn't know what was happening." Addison felt Naomi grip harder on her shoulder, and then her arm around her limp body.

"Do you have any intention of doing something that could harm yourself tonight?" Violet asked.

"After… Stressful days like this, I usually do." Addison admitted. Naomi felt so terrible, how had she not seen this happening. She felt so sad for her best friend.

"Last, question, but I need your honest answer." Violet said to Addison, who was still curled up on Charlotte's sofa. She nodded, dreading what this question could be.

"Do you _have _a suicide plan?" Addison stared at the floor. "Addison, do you?" Violet continued. It was clear to them both the Addison did. "Alright, do you have a crisis plan?" Addison shook her head. "Before you leave we need one okay?" Violet said. Addison nodded. "We'll make it a simple one, all you need is someone whom you can call if you have these thoughts." Violet said. Addison nodded again. Violet got up and pulled a small, cardboard bit of paper out of her draw, it looked somewhat like a business card. "You're going to write the name of someone and their phone number." Violet made clear. Addison still didn't move. "_You_, are writing someone's name and phone number down." Slowly, Addison put her feet on the floor and wiped the hair from her face and the tears from her cheeks.

"Okay, so, what do I do?" Addison asked.

"You think of someone you can call if you're in a crisis situation, write their name and phone number down." Violet explained. Addison couldn't think of anyone, so she sat, staring at the paper with the black byro in her hand.

"You could write me down." Naomi suggested.

"Okay, uh, thanks." Addison said, quietly. She neatly wrote down Naomi's name, and began with her phone number, but her mind went blank. Naomi finished off her phone number, and Addison put the piece of card in her pocket and handed Violet back her pen.

"Okay, that's it Addison, I would like to see you again, daily maybe?" Violet said. Addison nodded. Addison walked out of the room and went to get some coffee.

"Okay, that's it Addison, I would like to see you again, daily maybe?" Violet said. Addison nodded. Addison walked out of the room and went to get some coffee.

"How'd you both end up in Charlotte's room?" Naomi asked, once the door had closed.

"Addison had had some kind of panic attack downstairs, and Charlotte was there, and then Charlotte saw her scars and realised one needed sutures and did that in her office, she by law had ask about suicidal thoughts and when she didn't look up, she knew to come and get me. I feel guilty now though, I acted so coldly to Charlotte when she came and got me, because I wondered how one of her patients could need psychiatric help. But when she said it was someone we both knew… I realised." Violet admitted, sadly.

"I just wish we could have seen this." Naomi said.

"Me too." Violet agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Extremely short, Sorry :(**

In the kitchen, Addison was getting her coffee, when Charlotte walked in.

"Addison, how'd it go?" Charlotte asked.

"Okay, I guess, want a cup of coffee?" Addison asked, hoping to avoid the inevitable discussion.

"Yes, please." Charlotte said. It was clear that Addison did not want to discuss it, so she left it alone.


	8. Chapter 8

That night, Sam was late home. Addison had got her box from her bedroom and was sitting on the floor in the bathroom, with a blade in hand. She thought, as it wasn't going to kill her, there was no need to call Naomi. After she'd made 7 small, and one rather deep cut on her arm, she packed up. As she was walking to her bedroom she heard Sam walk in downstairs. She quickly put the little box back and hurried downstairs.

"Hey baby." Sam said, kissing Addison on the cheek.

"Hi Sam." Addison replied, smiling. She tugged at her long sleeves as she went to sit on the sofa.

"I've got some pasta for dinner, I'll make it." Sam said.

"Okay, thanks." Addison agreed. She sat on the sofa and turned the t.v on.

20 minutes later, dinner was ready and Addison got up to join Sam at the table. Sam stared at his girlfriend whilst she ate. She was getting more and more fragile everyday, and he had no idea why. He finished up his own dinner and went upstairs to get ready for bed. Addison stayed downstairs, with her elbow on the table, resting her head on her hand. When she heard the bathroom door open, she left her chair downstairs and went up to find Sam. She walked into the bathroom, and noticed that one of her cuts was still bleeding, so she put a plaster over it because that's all she had. Washed her makeup off and then joined Sam in bed.

"G'night Sam." She said as she pulled the cream duvet over her upper body.

"Are we gonna, you know tonight?" Sam asked.

"I'm not in the mood right now Sam." Addison replied, the same as usual.

"Okay." Sam replied, and put his arm around Addison's body. Addison got tense and Sam noticed. "Hey, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, just got a stomach ache and you put your hand right there." Addison said.

"I'm sorry." Sam replied, and backed up a little.


	9. Chapter 9

2 hours later Addison was asleep but Sam was still wide awake. He stared at the ceiling. Addison began stirring in her sleep, Sam sat up, to see whether it was just a dream or if she was waking up. He noticed a red, blood stain on the bed sheet. He knew that that wasn't there before. And then he noticed Addison's sleeve had a big red stain on it. Sam carefully rolled up Addison's sleeve, and was shocked when he saw the 8 fresh cuts, the cut that had been sutured by Charlotte and the countless pale scars. He got up and found a bandage that he could wrap around the open wound. He lay back down with his arm around Addison and whispering to her, _I will never leave you, I love you and you are worth more than this_. Shortly after Sam had fallen asleep, Addison woke up. And felt pressure on her arm, she lifted up her sleeve to find the big white bandage ther. She realised that Sam had done this and now he knew her secret too. Addison began to panic and got out of bed. She thought of the pills she had stashed in the bathroom, just like her mother. She then thought of Naomi. She slowly left the room, not to wake Sam, and went downstairs to call Naomi. Since she and Sam had gone to bed really early, it was now on 23:38 and she really hoped that Naomi would still be awake. Addison was now in tears because she was so ready to do this, that the emotions overpowered her. She picked up the phone and began to dial Naomi's mobile number.

"Hello?" Naomi said, sleepily. _Damn it_. Addison thought, she'd woken her up.

"Nai?" Addison said, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Addie?" Naomi said, suddenly wide awake.

"I-uh, I, I I can't.." Addison stammered.

"Addie! Listen, okay, where are you?" Naomi asked, concern evident in her voice.

"I, uh, I'm at home, I'm in the lounge, Sam's upstairs, gosh Nai, he saw my scars and he put a bandage around my arm whilst I was asleep. And everyone seems to have found out my biggest secrets today and I can't do this anymore, Nai help me, please, I have these pills in my bathroom Nai, please I'm scared." Addison said really quickly.

"Addie! Calm down, take a breath. I'll be round, okay, 15 mins and I'll be round, okay?"

"Uh, yeah, okay." Addison agreed.


	10. Chapter 10

Naomi rang the doorbell, Addison heard it, waited a few seconds to get her head together and then got up and walked to the door. The doorbell had woken Sam up, and when he realised that Addison was not in bed, he grabbed his robe, put it on and ran out of the room and down the stairs. Addison had just opened the door, as Sam came to the bottom of the stairs. He came down onto the landing and watched his ex-wife wrapping her arms around his girlfriend. As she sobbed. Naomi cradled her back and forth for ages, and then realised that Sam was standing at the foot of the stairs. Naomi motioned for Sam to come over and he wrapped his arms around them both. Addison realised that Sam was there and tried to push them both away. They both stayed right where they were. Addison was having some kind of emotional breakdown. Naomi and Sam got her to the couch, where Naomi held her firmly and tightly, and Sam made them all some hot chocolate. Addison was shaking and crying, it broke both Sam and Naomi's hearts. Amelia suddenly walked through the door, she'd been out with Pete and Cooper. Addison hadn't even realised that Amelia wasn't home before she had gone to bed, neither had Sam. Amelia stared at the scene in front of her. Sam bringing in the hot chocolates and Addison crying uncontrollably with Naomi's arms wrapped tightly around her.

"Hey Amelia." Sam said, when he realised that she was there.

"Hey Sam." Amelia replied. Naomi turned around upon hearing Amelia's voice. Addison thought to herself… _This is not how Montgomery of Forbes react to this kind of stress. I may be feeling like this but this is nothing I should be sharing._

"I'm just gonna," Addison began. "I'm just gonna go to bed." As she finished her sentence she got up and headed towards the stairs.

"Addie, wait." Naomi called out. Addison stopped, took a deep breath and turned around. "You called me, because you were scared that you would take those pills you say you have in the bathroom, you were panicking and you were a mess and you could barely get a word out." Addison turned around, she felt like she was going to cry. _Forbes never cry in public._ Is what her mother always used to tell her and Archer.

"Addie please." Naomi pleaded.

"I'm… I'm going to bed." Addison said, clenching her hands into fists and walked up the stairs and into her bedroom. She climbed under the covers. And willed herself not to cry.

Downstairs, Naomi was left in shock, Sam wondered what the heck had just happened and for once, Amelia was speechless, she had nothing to say, nothing to filter. Amelia walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Wow…" Was all she could say.

"Naomi," Sam began. "How long have you known that this has been happening?" He came and sat down on the couch next to her.

"Not long… I," Naomi said, then sighed, "Just today, Charlotte found out firs-"

"Charlotte found out first? Found out what? Is anyone gonna tell me what's going on here?" Amelia cut in. Both Naomi and Sam stared at her.

"Let me finish, and you'll understand." Naomi replied.

"Carry on, Nai." Sam said. Amelia sunk back into the cushions on the couch.

"Charlotte found out first, she'd grabbed her wrist when she tried to get up when they were talking, and she realised one of her cuts needed stitches and did that in her office, then she had to ask Addie if she was suicidal, and that's when Violet was called, and then she began screaming and thats when I appeared… I… I am… I'm the person she should call if she's feeling extremely… suicidal.." Naomi finished then took a breath. "And oh my gosh I've just realised I can't tell you this because of Doctor-Patient confidentiality…"

"It's okay, we're not going to tell anyone." Sam reassured her. Amelia sat back in the couch, stunned at what she had just heard. Addison was the type of woman she wanted to become when she was older.

The next day, Naomi left to get some new clothes and go to work, Amelia left to meet Charlotte at the hospital, and Sam was called to St. Ambrose as he was on-call and there was a man who had been stabbed in the chest, who needed operating on. Addison was left in her bedroom. She hadn't slept much, but she had come to the conclusion. She was going to be okay. Well, _act_ 'd show everyone that she's fine so that she'd be left alone.


	11. Chapter 11

Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery walked out of the Oceanside Wellness elevator standing tall, make-up beautifully done, clothes perfect, and a plastered on fake smile. She walked into the crowded kitchen.

"Morning!" Addison said loudly and cheerfully. Pete, Violet, Naomi, Sheldon and Charlotte were shocked to see Addison so happy.

"Morning." Pete replied.

"Come'on?! Is that all I get?!" Addison joked. They all murmured hello.

"Addie, you okay?" Violet asked.

"I'm feeling great. Great nights sleep." Addison replied happily. Violet could see, even through the heavy makeup, that there were dark circles under Addison's eyes, but decided not to question it, maybe it was just from the night before last night.

"Well, I'm off now, see everyone later!" Addison said, cheerfully as she walked out of the kitchen. Everyone stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"Well, that's…" Pete began. "That's good."

"I guess it is." Sheldon replied in amazement.

"I guess it is." Violet echoed.

"Well, I've got to get going." Sheldon said, getting up and walking towards the lift.

"Me too." Pete said, leaving the room.

"Me too, see you later, Nai, Charlotte." Violet said, also leaving. Naomi and Charlotte, however, were not convinced.

"Hey, Charlotte," Naomi began, "do you think something's not right here?"

"I most certainly do." Charlotte agreed.

"I mean…" Naomi said, "She called me last night… Wait, maybe I shouldn't tell you…"

"You can tell me, Naomi, who am I gonna tell?" Charlotte reassured.

"Right…" Naomi paused, fiddling with her fingers. "I mean, she called me last night because she was scared that she was going to swallow the pills in her bathroom, and I came right over…" Naomi paused and took a deep breath in. " Then Sam came downstairs, and then Amelia walked in… And then Addison disappeared upstairs and left us all downstairs… It just doesn't seem… Right, you know?" Charlotte looked thoughtfully at Naomi, not really caring that she was letting people see her more, humane side.

"Well, I say," Charlotte said, "that we let her keep on doing what she's doing, and see if we are right. And I damn well hope we're not, that she's not trying to cover up her feelings."

"Mmm…" Naomi said. "Well I better get going, keep an eye on her?"

"You can count on it." Charlotte said. Naomi nodded and walked out of the room. Charlotte just stood where she was, and thought about Addison. _Keeping things bottled up inside cannot be good for her. I wish she would face what was going on. Her mother used to say to never cry in public. What if her dead mother is still getting to her. What if that's the case. What if she has not yet commited suicide because that's what her mother did, and being a Forbes that's not what they tell people…_ A million different thoughts came into Charlotte's mind. She felt dizzy, but still just stood there. Then it all went black.


	12. Chapter 12

Addison was sitting in her office, fiddling with one of her pencils. _Bizzy would be so disappointed in me right now. But she did it!_ Addison thought to herself. _She did it, maybe suicidal tendencies are genetic… No, I'd have learnt that in med school… _Addison was pulled out of thought by Cooper shouting "Help!" from the lobby area. She ran out of her office and to where the screaming. Cooper was in the kitchen kneeling on the floor, it took Addison a few seconds to realise what exactly it was he was kneeling over. When she realised that it was Charlotte, she ran over to her and Cooper.

"Cooper, I need you to move out of the way." Addison said calmly. Cooper did what he was told, after kissing her on the forehead. Charlotte was awake, but couldn't move. Addison lay on the floor, right next to Charlotte. Pete and Violet had joined them, and were standing next to Cooper.

"Hey," Addison said in a soothing voice. Charlotte had tears falling, she was scared. Charlotte managed to get out a couple of grunts, but nothing understandable.

"Ssshhh." Addison whispered. "Don't worry, just focus on me, okay?" Addison lay there for 5 minutes with Charlotte before she began to feel her arms and legs again. Addison noticed.

"Okay, Charlotte, we're slowly going to get up now, okay?" Charlotte nodded. They slowly inched themselves up. Charlotte looked at Cooper.

"Coop, could you, could you call Naomi, ask her to come up here?" Charlotte asked.

"Yeah, sure… Of course." Cooper replied, excusing himself from the room. Pete and Violet also left. She and Addison just sat there in an awkward silence. 2 minutes later, Naomi walked in. Addison got up and excused herself from the room.

"Charlotte, are you okay?" Naomi asked, the concern evident in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Charlotte replied. Naomi gave her the _really _look. "Okay, maybe not, I was just thinking so much about Addison, and my own memories from the rape came into mind, and how I had to pretend to be okay for Cooper." Charlotte admitted. Naomi slid down, and sat next to Charlotte. "I was thinking that maybe this has something to do with her mother…"

"Her mother died of a heart attack, brain aneurysm or whatever." Naomi said, confused about how that could relate to Addison's behaviour.

"That's just what she's told you, her mother killed herself. Overdosed on pills." Charlotte said, bringing her knees up to her chest and looking straight forward.

"How'd you… How do you know that?" Naomi asked, looking at Charlotte, who was still looking in front on her.

"The hospital death certificate, she and I were talking about it at about 2 in the morning when we were at her mother's old house." Charlotte looked down at the floor. Naomi continued looking at Charlotte, feeling sorry for Addison. "Look, I asked for you because you're the only one I can talk to about Addison." Charlotte said as she got up and left.


End file.
